LOS ANGELES — In a move designed to protect the fragile emotional ecosystems of the entertainment industry, major studios and talent agencies have jointly announced a new policy requiring all high-profile individuals to register a comprehensive list of their celebrity doppelgängers. The initiative comes after recent revelations of partners inadvertently dating uncanny lookalikes during relationship 'breaks,' leading to what sources describe as 'unnecessary existential crises' and 'awkward red carpet encounters.'
The new mandate, informally dubbed the 'Peet-Pitt Protocol,' stipulates that each registered celebrity must submit a minimum of three photographic examples of individuals who could reasonably be mistaken for them at a distance of 20 feet or more, particularly under low lighting. These profiles will be cross-referenced against a central database accessible to all industry personnel, including publicists, agents, and, crucially, ex-partners.
“We’re just trying to make things easier for everyone,” stated Brenda Carmichael, head of the newly formed Celebrity Lookalike Compliance Department. “It’s hard enough navigating a high-profile breakup without accidentally finding yourself on a yacht with someone who could be your ex’s twin. This database will provide a clear, unambiguous ‘no-fly list’ for rebound relationships.”
Critics argue the policy is an overreach, while proponents suggest it's a necessary step to maintain the delicate balance of Hollywood's interconnected social circles. One anonymous studio executive quipped, “At least this way, when you’re caught, you can’t claim you thought it was your ex.”
