LONDON – In a move hailed by some as 'audaciously innovative' and by others as 'a direct assault on the concept of air travel affordability,' Heathrow CEO Thomas Woldbye has unveiled a groundbreaking funding model for the airport's proposed third runway. Under the new scheme, each passenger will be asked to contribute a mere £15 – not for the runway itself, but for the 'unique psychological benefit of knowing it exists.'

“It’s not a fee, per se, but an investment in the collective dream of expanded air travel,” explained Woldbye during a press conference held on a meticulously manicured patch of grass adjacent to an existing runway. “For £15, passengers gain an intangible, yet utterly vital, sense of participation in aviation history. Think of it as a micro-share in tarmac-based optimism.”

Regulators are reportedly grappling with the proposal. Dr. Penelope Quark, Head of Theoretical Infrastructure Economics at the Institute for Unverifiable Metrics, stated, “While the financial implications are negligible, the philosophical precedent is staggering. Are we to tax the very air passengers breathe, or merely the abstract concept of more air for them to breathe?”

Meanwhile, local resident Mildred Pumble, 87, from Cranford, expressed cautious optimism. “If it means I can finally get a direct flight to my niece’s prize-winning petunias in Outer Mongolia, then £15 for a bit of extra concrete sounds perfectly reasonable. As long as it doesn’t affect my bingo schedule.” The Civil Aviation Authority is expected to rule on the 'Emotional Runway Contribution' by fiscal quarter 3.7.