WASHINGTON D.C. – In a landmark legislative move, the Department of Interpersonal Classification and Emotional Oversight (DICO) announced today the immediate implementation of the 'Soulmate Security Act of 2024,' requiring all citizens aged 18 and over to obtain a government-issued Romantic Type Identification Card (RTIC).

The initiative, championed by the newly formed Bureau of Amorous Predisposition Profiling (BAPP), seeks to eliminate the 'inefficiencies and emotional drain' associated with modern dating. Citizens will undergo a mandatory 15-minute online assessment, developed in conjunction with leading algorithmic romance specialists, to determine their official romantic archetype.

'For too long, individuals have been left to flounder in a sea of incompatible emotional landscapes,' stated Dr. Seraphina Lovejoy, Chief Architect of the BAPP's 'Love-Logic' algorithm. 'Our data, meticulously gathered from 3.7 million online quizzes, indicates a 98.4% accuracy rate in classifying individuals as either a 'Hopeless Romantic,' a 'Caretaker,' a 'Rebellious Free Spirit,' or one of 17 other clinically defined categories.'

Critics, primarily from the 'Coalition for Spontaneous Affection,' argue the measure is an overreach. However, Undersecretary for Emotional Infrastructure, Bartholomew 'Barty' Heartsworth, dismissed concerns. 'This isn't about stifling romance; it's about optimizing it. Imagine a world where you swipe right only on your certified 'Emotional Counterpart.' The societal benefits, from reduced divorce rates to increased national happiness indices, are incalculable, or at least, calculable by our advanced predictive models to be approximately 17.3% by Q3 2025.'