SPOKANE, WA — Gonzaga University’s men’s basketball program has officially announced its departure from the West Coast Conference (WCC), effective after this season, following what sources close to the team describe as a profound sense of 'been there, dunked that.' The move comes after decades of unparalleled dominance, culminating in their recent, utterly predictable, WCC tournament victory.
“Honestly, we just started getting bored,” admitted head coach Mark Few, speaking through a team spokesperson who requested anonymity to avoid offending the entire WCC. “We’ve tried every variation: winning by 30, winning by 40, winning by 50, winning with our eyes closed. We even tried letting the other team score first a few times, just for a thrill. Nothing. It’s like playing chess against a toaster.”
Conference Commissioner Gloria Sanchez expressed a mix of regret and relief. “While we’ll miss Gonzaga’s… presence, their departure does open up some exciting possibilities for the other nine teams,” Sanchez stated. “For instance, one of them might actually win a conference championship now. It’s a bold new era of competitive uncertainty, which is frankly terrifying but also, you know, a thing that could happen.”
Sources indicate Gonzaga’s next move will involve either joining a Power Five conference or forming their own league consisting solely of other teams that have also run out of things to prove.
