GENEVA — In a move widely praised for its groundbreaking common sense, the International Maritime Organization (IMO) has formally requested that all nations refrain from placing explosive devices in internationally recognized shipping lanes. The plea comes as commercial vessel operators express a growing disinterest in navigating waters where their ships might spontaneously become submarines.

"We've always operated under the implicit understanding that our multi-million dollar cargo and human crews wouldn't be intentionally blown up mid-journey," stated Captain Reginald 'Reggie' Porthole, head of the Global Alliance of Concerned Seafarers. "Apparently, that was an overly optimistic assumption. Now we need it in writing, preferably in a font size that's easy to read from a distance, like, say, a safe distance from a minefield."

The new guidelines, currently in draft form, propose revolutionary concepts such as 'clear passage zones' and 'no unannounced ordnance deployment.' Shipping companies report that the mere *threat* of naval mines and drone attacks in strategic areas like the Strait of Hormuz has already made securing crews and insurance for these routes significantly more expensive, primarily because employees and insurers prefer not to be involved in high-seas pyrotechnics.

"It’s a simple cost-benefit analysis," explained Dr. Elara Vance, a geopolitical risk consultant. "The benefit of delivering oil quickly is often outweighed by the cost of, you know, not existing anymore. We're seeing a fundamental shift in maritime logistics: fewer captains are willing to play 'Battleship' with real battleships."

Sources close to the negotiations indicate that while some nations found the request 'quaint' or 'naïve,' most agreed that a global shipping industry that isn't constantly bracing for impact is generally good for global trade. The IMO hopes to formally ratify the 'No Boom-Boom in the Ocean' accord by next quarter, assuming no unforeseen naval incidents delay the proceedings.