PARIS — In a bold move signaling a new era of governance, the French government today unveiled its 'Proactive Concession Protocol,' an ambitious plan to anticipate and immediately capitulate to public demands before any formal protests or strikes can even be organized. The initiative aims to streamline the traditional French political process, which typically involves a contentious policy announcement, followed by weeks of widespread civil unrest, culminating in the government eventually backing down.
“Why waste everyone’s time?” queried Minister of Public Harmony, Jean-Luc Dubois, during a press conference held in an unusually calm Parisian square. “We know how this goes. We propose something, the people hit the streets, things get a bit… lively, and then we withdraw the proposal. We’re simply cutting out the middleman, or in this case, the middle Molotov cocktail.”
Under the new protocol, any proposed legislation will first be run through a sophisticated AI model trained on decades of French public sentiment data, riot trajectories, and baguette sales during periods of civil disobedience. If the model predicts a 'high probability of widespread societal inconvenience leading to eventual policy reversal,' the government will immediately issue a statement acknowledging public opposition and shelving the plan.
“It’s about efficiency,” added Dubois, adjusting his perfectly knotted scarf. “Think of the resources saved. No more riot gear to deploy, no more public transport disruptions, no more having to pretend we were listening all along. We were always going to listen, eventually.” Critics, however, suggest the move might inadvertently encourage more demands, as citizens realize the path to policy change is now simply to think about protesting really hard.
The first test of the new protocol is expected next week, with an unconfirmed rumor of a proposed tax on artisanal cheeses already being met with a government statement of 'deep regret and immediate withdrawal.'
