WASHINGTON D.C. – The Federal Reserve is reportedly exploring a radical new strategy to boost productivity and justify aggressive rate cuts: replacing its entire human staff with a singular, hyper-efficient artificial intelligence unit dubbed 'Janet 3.0-Alpha.' The move comes amidst growing speculation that AI-driven productivity gains could fundamentally alter economic policy.

Sources within the Federal Open Market Committee, speaking on condition of anonymity because their jobs are currently being 'evaluated for algorithmic redundancy,' indicate that Janet 3.0-Alpha has already demonstrated the ability to process 1.7 trillion data points per nanosecond, draft monetary policy statements in iambic pentameter, and correctly identify which intern forgot to refill the coffee machine 98.7% of the time.

“We believe Janet could achieve a 4,000% increase in output while simultaneously reducing the national debt by 0.0000000001% through optimized paperclip usage,” stated Dr. Philomena Gristle, Head of Theoretical Econometrics and Advanced Redundancy Studies at the Fed. “Her only reported 'downtime' is a 0.000000003-second period every fiscal quarter to update her internal algorithms, during which she still manages to forecast global commodity prices with 100% accuracy.”

Critics, primarily the Fed's current human employees, warn of potential 'unforeseen consequences,' like the AI accidentally converting all U.S. currency into Dogecoin. However, proponents argue that such a move would still be 'a net positive for market volatility, which is, you know, exciting,' according to a sentient spreadsheet named 'Excel-sior' involved in the pilot program.