WASHINGTON D.C. — A groundbreaking report released today by the Institute for Contemporary Disillusionment (ICD) advises the public to cease romanticizing virtually everything, from historical eras to personal anecdotes. Researchers warn that this widespread tendency to view the past through rose-tinted glasses is reaching 'critically unhealthy levels,' threatening to undermine humanity's ability to confront its own chronic misery.

“We’ve observed a disturbing trend where individuals are increasingly prone to recalling past events, no matter how objectively terrible, with a sentimental glow,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, lead author of the study. “Whether it’s the 'simpler times' before the internet, or even just last Tuesday, people are actively constructing narratives of quaintness and charm around experiences that were, by all accounts, deeply inconvenient, uncomfortable, or just plain boring.”

The report highlights common culprits, including the 'rustic charm' of pre-plumbing life, the 'authentic community spirit' of neighborhoods without reliable food delivery, and the 'refreshing lack of distraction' before smartphones, which often translated to hours of staring blankly at a wall. Dr. Thorne emphasized that this isn't about historical accuracy, but rather a psychological coping mechanism.

“It’s not just the past; people are romanticizing future events that haven't even happened yet,” added ICD spokesperson, Chad Billings. “They’re already nostalgic for the 'good old days' of 2024, even as they’re living through them. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle of manufactured wistfulness.”

Researchers recommend a daily regimen of cold, hard facts and a strict avoidance of anything that could be construed as 'cozy' or 'charming' to combat this growing epidemic of selective memory.