WASHINGTON D.C. — In a bold move to optimize domestic partnerships, a new federal mandate will soon require all committed couples to submit quarterly Relationship Progress Reports (RPRs). The initiative, championed by the newly formed Department of Emotional Productivity, aims to standardize communication and ensure relationships are operating at peak efficiency.

Couples will be provided with a comprehensive questionnaire, developed by leading behavioral economists and data analysts, designed to elicit key performance indicators for romantic bonds. Questions range from 'What is a favorite memory of us that I may not know means a lot to you?' to 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how emotionally safe do you feel with me, and why?' Submissions will be analyzed by AI algorithms to flag potential inefficiencies or areas requiring 'intervention protocols.'

“We’ve identified a significant drain on national productivity stemming from unaddressed emotional clutter,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, Undersecretary for Interpersonal Metrics. “This isn’t about judging love; it’s about optimizing it. Think of it as preventative maintenance for the soul. A 15-minute, highly structured Q&A session can save weeks of inefficient, unstructured bickering.”

Initial pilot programs showed a 3% increase in reported 'relationship clarity' and a 0.5% decrease in 'unresolved passive aggression.' Couples failing to meet minimum RPR benchmarks may be offered mandatory 'Synergy Workshops' or, in extreme cases, referred for 'Partnership Re-evaluation Counseling.' Critics argue the move commodifies intimacy, but proponents insist it's merely bringing modern management principles to the last bastion of human unpredictability.

Experts predict a surge in couples suddenly discovering they've 'always wanted to try separate living arrangements' just before the first submission deadline.