BEIJING — In a groundbreaking re-evaluation of lunar exploration, Chinese scientists have reportedly prioritized ancient geomancy over traditional geology in selecting landing sites for the nation's first crewed moon mission. A new study, ostensibly focused on the Rimae Bode region's terrain, secretly employed advanced Feng Shui masters to identify areas with optimal 'qi' for long-term lunar habitation and prosperity.
“While our Western counterparts are busy mapping craters and analyzing regolith, we are looking for the cosmic flow, the auspicious alignments that will ensure not just a safe landing, but a truly successful and harmonious lunar presence,” explained Dr. Chen Li, a lead researcher who preferred to be identified only by his astrological sign, 'Water Tiger.' “You can have all the stable ground you want, but if the energy is off, your moon base is doomed to perpetual bad vibes.”
Sources close to the project indicated that initial geological surveys were merely a smokescreen. The real work involved intricate calculations of lunar dragon veins, the positioning of celestial bodies relative to potential base structures, and ensuring no sharp, negative energy was directed towards the future lunar module. One anonymous consultant, Grand Master Wei, reportedly vetoed several geologically sound sites due to their “unfortunate proximity to a cosmic toilet bowl.”
This strategic shift aims to give China a spiritual edge in the new space race, ensuring its lunar outposts are not just functional, but also incredibly lucky. Future astronauts are expected to undergo mandatory Feng Shui training before launch, learning how to arrange their moon rocks for maximum positive energy.
