CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a stunning reversal of popular belief, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have published findings indicating that physical activity could be beneficial for human health, specifically brain function. The study, which involved observing mice that were forced to run on tiny treadmills instead of binge-watching Netflix, suggests that exercise prompts the liver to release a mysterious enzyme that, get this, *fixes things*.

“For years, we’ve operated under the assumption that optimal health involves minimal exertion and maximum screen time,” stated lead researcher Dr. Brenda Piffle, wiping sweat from her brow after a brisk walk to the vending machine. “But it appears the body isn’t just a vessel for delivering snacks to the couch. It actually responds positively to being, you know, *used*.”

The enzyme, provisionally named 'Activasium,' reportedly targets a harmful protein that causes the blood-brain barrier to become leaky with age. In older mice, a regimen of regular movement led to reduced inflammation and, perhaps more astonishingly, improved memory. “They could suddenly remember where they buried their tiny cheese,” Dr. Piffle added, visibly impressed.

Industry experts are already scrambling to monetize this revelation. “We anticipate a surge in ‘exercise-adjacent’ products,” commented wellness guru Chad Broflex. “Think performance-enhancing loungewear, motivational water bottles, and perhaps a subscription service that just sends you pictures of people working out.” The findings are expected to have little to no impact on human behavior.