ATACAMA DESERT – A recent study confirming that tiny soil-dwelling nematodes are not only surviving but thriving in the world’s driest desert has been met with surprising backlash from the nematodes themselves. Sources close to the microscopic organisms indicate a growing sentiment of being 'taken for granted' by the scientific community.

“Just because we *can* survive on a single molecule of dew every decade doesn’t mean we *want* to,” stated a spokesperson for the Atacama Nematode Collective, who wished to remain anonymous due to fear of being further studied. “We’re tired of being the poster children for resilience. Where’s our public transport? Our high-speed internet? A decent water park, perhaps?”

Scientists from the University of Antofagasta, who initially published the findings, expressed confusion. “We thought they’d be thrilled,” said lead researcher Dr. Elena Vargas. “This discovery proves life can exist anywhere, even in conditions that would make a rock complain. It’s inspirational!” The nematodes, however, are reportedly unimpressed, citing the 'constant existential dread' of their environment as a significant drawback.

“Our asexual reproduction isn’t a 'survival advantage,' it’s a coping mechanism because dating options are nonexistent out here,” added the nematode representative. “We’re not thriving; we’re just too stubborn to die. And frankly, the lack of basic amenities is making us question our life choices.” The collective is now reportedly drafting a list of demands for improved desert infrastructure, including paved micro-roads and access to a reliable, if minuscule, water supply.

Local officials are reportedly considering a new tax on sand to fund the nematodes' infrastructure demands, noting that 'if they can survive here, they can certainly pay their fair share.'