JEDBURGH, SCOTLAND – Comedian Alan Carr’s recent acquisition of a 17-bedroom Scottish Borders castle, complete with its own working railway, has sent shockwaves through the region’s notoriously understated architectural preservation committees. Experts are now warning of a potential ‘Architectural Over-Fabulousness’ event, a phenomenon previously thought to be theoretical.

“We’ve always operated under the assumption that a 12th-century keep could withstand a certain degree of tasteful renovation,” stated Dr. Fiona MacGregor-Pritchard, Head of Subtlety Studies at the Institute for Understated Heritage. “Mr. Carr’s known aesthetic, however, combined with 17 bedrooms and a private railway, suggests an imminent, irreversible shift towards what we term ‘Baroque-Adjacent Blingification.’ Our models predict a 73% chance of exterior lighting resembling a permanent Christmas grotto by 2025.”

Local residents, meanwhile, are grappling with the implications. “I just hope he doesn’t try to paint the battlements in a fetching shade of fuchsia,” remarked Hamish McTavish, 87, a retired sheep shearer and self-appointed guardian of local decorum. “And what’s he going to do with that railway? Run a nightly express service to Glasgow for sequins?”

Sources close to the comedian, who spoke on condition of anonymity while polishing a sequined gargoyle, hinted at plans for a ‘Champagne Express’ and a ‘Ballroom of Perpetual Sparkle.’ The Scottish Borders Council’s Department of Frivolous Planning Applications has reportedly hired additional staff to cope with the anticipated deluge of permits for 'structural flamboyance' and 'historic integrity bypasses.'